I saw This Is It over the long weekend. The documentary-style movie depressed me. The inevitable take-away was that Michael Jackson should not have died yet.Even as a non-fan, I couldn't escape the utter feeling of disgust that a musical genius such as him died before he was able to do that last concert tour. It was going to be a mind-blowing spectacle. Sadly, Jackson died much too early. Super galing pa pala niya. He was no washed-up star. He had presence, intuition, and the talent to spare. Well, all that's wasted now that he's dead. So sad.

Holy fuck. Drunk on apple vodka. I tried The Bar, saw it on the grocery shelf and thought, sige nga, tingnan natin how such cheap vodka would taste. It tastes convincingly yummy. apple nga!

Not really stressed. Just tense, I guess. Things to do for work. Have to give training next week on doing research. Moi? Doing research? teachning others? am I insane?! Well just need to encourage them. Have lots of intersting ideas. In my mind, I'm revolutionizing the professional life of some poor unfortuante souls. Still messianic, you betcha!

J and I got into a rough rough patch. But now we're better. Stupid me forgot our 2nd year anniversary. Even fought with her. Poor woman must be regretting her getting involved with me. But she's frikkin stuck with me now. Haha. Well, I do love her despite all our arguments and disagreements. I just called her mayabang. Super na-hurt. What's so fucking bad about being mayabang? I'm mayabang and I do okay. Right?

But like I said, we're good now. I lvoe er. I think I'll die inside and out without her. She takes care of me, nurtures me, and makes me feel pretty damn good. Just that. i could die just being with her. Sometimes she bugs the hell out of me. sometimes she irritates me like nothing else. But she's real and she's so damn cute. She's quirky beyond measure. If you only knew her quirks. We're both crazy, I suppose. I think.

Well, I'm just moody and messed up most of the time. She just has to put up with me some more.

sleepy. drunk. thinking of training. loving my crazy fucked up life. right now at least.

bye!

I went to a cousin's wedding at San Agustin Church in Intramuros. My first time in a church in nearly a year. If the office didn't celebrate first Friday mass, it would have been my first time hearing mass in about the same period. Well, I didn't miss much. Mass was the same as it always is. Boring, proselytizing, patronizing, annoying. The damn priest even said homily in fookien. How hokey is that?

Then to the reception at Makati Shang. Very nice hotel. Beautiful ballroom. Perfect for any occasion. Hehe. But damn everything looked so expensive. Every little detail screamed "I cost an arm and a leg!" I heard the bride's dress alone cost more than 100 thou. Dalawa pa yun. So about a quarter of a million for just two gowns. Ngek, why spend so much for a wedding? That's something I'd never understand.

The couple were sweet. The prenup videos were sweet. Everything was sweet, really. If I were the type to enjoy weddings of nearly strangers, I'd have enjoyed myself very much. However, as I didn't really know the couple, aside from being related to one of them, I was bored out of my mind. I did enjoy the wedding singer. Beautiful voice. Requisite Chinese love songs. And one nicely done Carpenters cover.

The company was barf-worthy. Pa-sosyal matrons and giggly back-slapping old dudes. Cousins I used to play with but now couldn't care less about. People, really, that I could die not ever seeing again.

I remember a wedding I really enjoyed. For a friend. Now that was a lovely affair. I was among friends. It is a wonderful experience seeing someone you honestly care about being happy and in love. Oh, make that two. I've attended two weddings of two friends. Both were absolutely inspirational. Just because I cared for the brides.

Weddings should be emotional, I think. I think no one should be invited to a wedding that they care nothing about. It just puts a damper on everything and everyone.

Blah. It's nearly midnight. Have to work tomorrow. Better sleep. Goodnight all!

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
"Love is so intrusive," I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, "I'm not ready yet"
"I won't be gone a minute"

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, "I'm not ready yet"
"I won't be gone a minute" and I won't forget
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

I was in love
In love

You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

- Famous Last Words, Jars of Clay

Down in the depths of a darkness I've not visited in a while. Familiar, heavy.

How much is love, love, when pride can mess it up? I figure, not a lot.

I hate the sinking feeling that I was right all along. Back to doing a countdown.

Oh and on a side note, I hate people in love.